Help me (Closer)
by Nekoii
Summary: One-shot. An adolescent Harry who struggles to survive under the expectations of the wizarding world. Severus is the only one there to help. Written as a series of flashback on the day Harry sends Albus Severus to Hogwart. SLASH and a bit of Dom/sub you are warned! Peppered through with lyrics from 'Closer' of Nine Inch Nails (also known as 'fuck you like an animal').


**Disclaimer :** Nothing in Harry Potter belongs to me. Same for the song, Closer belongs to Nine Inch Nail. If you don't know it, do go and listen to it.

 **WARNING :** A tad violent, and slash, that is two men having sex. You are now warned, just like Dante when he entered hell …

 **Author note :** This is a one shot I originally wrote in French, now I'm translating it :p. Do not worry though I'm fully bilingual.

 **Closer**

Harry Potter named his third born Albus Severus. However, it wasn't the exact name he wanted, jus the closest possible.

[…]

« in honor of two great men and headmasters of Hogwart … » Harry said to his son when he climbed into the Hogwart express for the first time, « … one of them was a Slytherin. I was almost a Slytherin. »

[…]

But has he watched the Hogwart express leave and is joking with his friend, Harry Potter is thinking about the real reason he named his son as he did. He thinks about the fact that if he truly was a Gryffindor, his son would be named Severus Albus. Because Harry owed more to Severus than to Albus. But it would have raised too many questions.

[…]

Abus was a grandfather figure, then a mentor; he was also a manipulator who almost cost Harry his life. Severus had saved his life, and more importantly his sanity. If there was one person he had to thank for his life and happiness, it would be Severus Snape.

[…]

* _flashback, summer holidays after fifth year, and the death of Sirius_ *

 _Harry felt awful, he was at an all time low, and the only person who could help him wasn't there. He had to keep it together until he could get to Grimmauld place and the only person who could help him. Keep it together and not look at his uncle straight razor in the morning. Not still one of his aunt's kitchen knife. Not let himself be tempted by the sharp blade of the pruners while working in the garden._

 _But Harry was feeling so bad, his godfather IS dead. His hope to have a family and leave the Dursley's gone forever. Dead because of him. And his friends almost died because of him. And he would have to kill, again._

 _Harry won't manage to hold it together. He knows it. So, one morning he grabs a piece of parchment and give to Hedwig. A small glamour to hide her white coloring, too easy recognizable, and she's gone. On the parchment, there are only three words « I'm falling apart ». Hedwig returned in the evening with a small package. Harry checked the package for spell before taking it from Hedwig. He's overjoyed but slightly disappointed that it wasn't a portkey. He reads the small note « Idiot, you know I can't get through the protections. What I'm sending you will remind you of what you tend to forget. Only visible by you and me. Once you put it on, I'm the only one who can remove it. S »_

 _Harry opens the package with shaking hands and finds a small necklace of braided black leather. Something tight enough for him to always feel it, but not so much that it is uncomfortable. A reminder. Harry smiles for the first time in weeks and put the necklace on without any hesitation. He belongs to someone. He controls the situations, but can let go._

 _*end of flashback*_

[…]

Harry sights and gently touches the necklace he's wearing. He had to renew the enchantment for it to stay invisible. From times to times he feels the need to wear it, especially when he takes his kids to King's Cross. And he remembers how it all started.

[…]

* _flashback, fifth year_ *

 _Harry watch has students leave for the Christmas vacation. Suddenly he looks away, he's got to get a hold of himself, be presentable. The first abandoned classroom will do the job. He enters and locks the door magically, with a few spells he learned during session with the army. He recovers his pocket knife and slowly, gently, bring it to the inside of his arm. Pain he had realized helps almost as much as pleasure. But there's no one he can trust enough to use pleasure, and lately masturbation just doesn't do it. Gently Harry lay the blade on the inside of his arm, perpendicular for best results. The cut is almost like the caress of a lover, the warmth of the dripping blood remind him of white sperm escaping, but the color is all wrong. Harry closes his eyes and cut again, just the touch of someone who loves him and the warm liquid on his warm. A third cut and Harry forgets everything around him for a few minutes._

 _« -Potter. I hope you have a good explanation. »_

 _Harry is startled out of his peaceful trance and wonders how the professor found him, and get through his wards. No matter, he needs to get out here._

 _« - Professor Snape. You do not want my explanation, so let me get out, I didn't break any school rules._

 _\- Oh no, Potter. When I find a student cutting himself, his choice is between explaining himself to me or the nurse. Even more so if he is sporting the beginning of an erection._

 _\- …_

 _\- It's quite common for the Slytherins to cut themselves to release some of the pressure. Ravenclaws too._

 _-…_

 _\- Potter. Me or the nurse._

 _\- I want a vow that you will not revel anything to anyone, or even hint at it. No snide comments in class either.»_

 _Snape takes his wand out and vows on his magic never to reveal anything of what he had seen or would be reveled in this room. The speed at which he does he does it, the choice of words, almost mechanic proves to Harry that his professor is quite used to that._

 _« -Potter ?_

 _\- It's the best available mean I have to fell in control of my life._

 _\- The best available mean?_

 _\- You do not want to know professor, now let me go._

 _\- Potter, you are going to tell me what his happening in you little tortured brain, or I am offering you to the tender mercy of Pomfrey._

 _\- You swore!_

 _\- I swore not to say anything, there was nothing about letting you go._

 _\- Shit!_

 _-Potter … »_

 _A long silence follows, during which they stare at each other. And Harry remembers that Snape saved his life several times. And Sirius or Remus would be so disappointed if they knew, Molly would be devastated, and he doesn't even want to imagine the reaction of Ron or Hermione. Snape is the least evil, and if Harry was honest with himself, he needed to talk about it._

 _« - Everybody is expecting me to save them, to be the 'Boy-Who-Lived'. But I don't want that. I feel like I don't belong to myself, to have nothing that belongs to me or is me._

 _\- You said "best available mean", the other one?_

 _\- Sex_

 _\- I find it difficult to believe you cannot find a girl to help you satisfy your needs._

 _\- True, but for this specific need … it would be a he. And I said sex, not "make love"._

 _\- You're bi. Dominant or submissive?_

 _\- Switch._

 _\- Both, …, how did you discover that?_

 _\- Outing to London during the summer holidays between third and fourth year. I entered a BDSM bar by mistake. I only watched but I discovered a lot about myself, I managed to return four times. I experimented with Cedric Diggory, I could trust him for not being anything serious. But he is dead. This summer I found myself some muggle partners at said bar. A Dom and a sub, but mostly the sub. Before the Dementor's incident. Since then, nothing. I can't trust anyone at Poudlard. »_

 _Harry stops talking and play with his knife. He feels better, whether from talking or cutting he doesn't know. But he knows he'll have to do it soon again, the need return a bit faster each time._

 _Snape observes Harry. He sees a young man, not kid. And this young man is standing on the edge of a cliff. Everyone believes he hates him, but what he hates are images from the past and the titles on his shoulders. And Severus is the only one available to help this young man. So he open his robes and his shirt._

 _Harry lift his head at the sound of approaching footstep. Just in time for Severus to bend and kiss him forcefully._

 _« I will give you the sex you need Potter. Today and for the rest of the year. But you will have to stop cutting. »_

 _Harry tries to protest, but Severus kisses him once more. Nd Harry's need is such that he answers the kiss and bite Severus' lip. Harry's magic answers his desires, and they find themselves naked on the floor of the classroom._

 _[You let me violate you_

 _You let me desecrate you_

 _You let me penetrate you  
You let me complicate you]_

 _« I won't be nice professor, there will be some pain for you. » Announces Harry while he grans Severus' arms, bring them over his head and keep them there with one hand. His mouth descends on Severus' own with violence, before Severus can say anything. His other hand descends and start a rough massage of his professor penis. Once he feels Severus harden, his hand shift toward Severus' bottom and teases the anus to start loosening it. Harry and Severus have aligned their pelvis and rock against each other, almost gently compared to Harry grip on Severus' wrist and their clashing teeth. Harry stops the kiss for lack of air and hears Severus announce:_

 _« Oh no, Potter. It's not that simple. You are the one who needs to be fucked, not me. You don't have to do anything, let go. I know you are a man, but you need to let go. Don't worry you are in control of the situation, say 'salamander' and I'll stop everything. »_

 _Chocked, Harry straightens up and let Severus free his hands. He also let him move him, so that Harry his now straddling the professor stomach, said professor penis caressing his crack._

 _« Potter you are the one who needs to let go. » Severus sits up a little and starts murmuring in Harry's ear, one arm around Harry's hip, a finger on Harry's hole, while the other hand roams on his torso, his neck, his penis._

 _« Let me do it Potter, I have you. »_

 _Something seems to free itself within Harry, and he looks at his professor, lost,_

 _«- Help me professor …_

 _\- Of course Potter. Remember 'salamander'._

 _\- Harry not Potter._

 _\- If you want. What do want Harry ?_

 _\- Help meee »_

 _[Help me; I broke apart my insides  
Help me; I've got no soul to sell  
Help me; the only thing that works for me _

_Help me get away from myself ]  
_

 _Severus entered two fingers in Harry, a bit violent, but without any real pain for Harry. Just a bit of surprise. He started a scissor movement to loosen him, and was surprised when Harry started to impale himself on his fingers, with a rocking movement that caused the back of his hand to caress his penis. Meanwhile, Potter erection was finding some friction on his professor abdominal muscles. Severus's free hand pinched Harry's nipple, while he removed his fingers from Harry's loosened anus before presenting the head of his leaking erection to Harry's entrance._

 _« Harry, I'm going to fuck you. Last chance. »_

 _In answer Harry lowered himself and bit Severus's shoulder._

 _«- Fuck me professor, fuck me like an animal._

 _\- Like an animal?_

 _\- Like an animal. » Harry rocked back and sat on Severus' penis. The head entered fully before he stopped against Severus' hand, that was still holding his dick for the penetration._

 _« Ah »_

 _Both of Severus hands landed on Harry's hip and pulled him downward, while his hips rushed forward. Harry's hand found themselves on Severus torso. And Severus started to fuck Harry with strong and long hip movement. Under the pain of a dry penetration harry first stiffened but, relaxed gradually as Severus fulfilled his needs._

 _The rhythm was hard, violent, and Harry felt himself go. He wasn't the Boy-who-lived, not Potter. He was Harry, free of the demands of the magical world._

 _[I wanna fuck you like an animal  
I wanna feel you from the inside  
I wanna fuck you like an animal  
My whole existence is flawed]  
_

 _Harry was close to his orgasms, so close. But Severus removed himself and grabbed him at the throat._

 _« - On all four Harry. You said like an animal._

 _\- Then bite me. Devour me. » Harry lifted himself and when on his hand and knees, his bottom presented to Severus._

 _« - Like an animal, Harry. Like an animal._

 _\- I want to forget who I am. Fuck me, please. »_

 _For answer Severus reentered Harry violently. He started on the task of fucking like an animal, his thrusts stronger and deeper thanks to the new position. Harry was not making any noise, only little moans of pleasure every now and the, but the shivering that took hold in his body and run through it along the rhythm of Severus thrusts was testament to the pleasure given._

 _[You get me closer to God  
You can have my isolation; you can have the hate that it brings  
You can have my absence of faith; you can have my everything]  
_

 _They were both close to the point of orgasm, and, Severus in order to take everything leaned forward. It diminished the amplitude of his thrusts, but he made up for it with small, hard and fast movements deep within Harry, abusing his prostate even more. He them proceeded to bite and lick Harry's shoulder, creating a mark that would stay longer than the pain in his ass. He started creating a second mark, moving one of his hands toward Harry's penis. The other stayed on Harry's hip to maintain angle and rhythm of penetration. Two strokes and Harry came with a silent shout, and a convulsion that shock his could not resist and came as well with a guttural moan and emptied himself deep within Harry._

 _Harry was the first one to recover and he started to dress himself without a word. As he was about to leave, he heard Severus behind him._

 _« Po … Harry. Today and for the rest of the year. »_

 _Harry nodded and left._

[…]

Harry smiles with a touch of melancholy as the smoke of the Hogwart express disappear and he follows his friend. Everyone put his slightly sad expression on having let his kids go. Harry tilt his head a touch to better feel the necklace and remembers his idiocy at the end of fifth year.

[…]

 _*flashback, end of fifth year*_

 _Harry didn't avail himself of his professor help, despite feeling the pressure increase. He thought he could hold until the summer holidays when he could escape to the muggle world. There were too many chances of someone noticing him if he was to let go in the magical world. Little by little, his Boy-Who-Lived persona took over. And on the day of the history of magic exam, he answered his friends' demands instead of trusting Snape. And the disaster of the Department of Mysteries happened. And Dumbledore told him of the content of the prophecy._

 _But in between the headmaster's office and the infirmary, Harry met Snape. Snape, who was waiting for him at an intersection._

 _«- Potter. The Order of the Phoenix will be keeping watch on you all summer. No escapades for you._

 _\- I won't survive._

 _\- You will._

 _\- The Boy-Who-Lived will. But not Harry …_

 _\- Harry … ?_

 _\- I'm losing myself. Help me, please. »_

 _Without a word, Severus stepped forward, put a hand on Harry's neck and kissed him, hard. He bit into his lower lip before letting go and taking him into an empty classroom, abandoned and dusty. A few spell to insure their privacy and Severus walked toward Harry._

 _« - Remember Harry, 'Salamander'._

 _\- I know, Severus, now help me. Help me be Harry and not the Boy-who-lived._

 _\- Undress Harry. »_

 _Harry undressed his erected sex almost painful._

 _« Help me. Fuck me. Save me. »_

 _[Help me tear down my reason_

 _Help me; it's your sex I can smell  
Help me; you make me perfect  
Help me become somebody else]  
_

 _Severus moved onto Harry and pushed him toward the wall before kissing him savagely, dominating the Gryffindor. His left hand grabbed the vial of lubricant in his robe pocket, while his right hand opened his trouser and to free his penis. He freed his lips from the young man under him, and turned Harry to face to the wall. His lips ghosted along Harry's right ear and he murmured. His voice, low and suave, sending shivers through Harry's body._

 _« I'm going to help you Harry. I will save you from yourself. I will fuck you. But they are waiting for you at the infirmary. »_

 _Severus opened the vial and covered his sex with lubricant._

 _« - And you've been a bad boy. You should be punished._

 _\- I … »_

 _Severus' finger in his anus cut any attempt at communication from Harry. A second one followed suit._

 _«- Fuck me. Now._

 _\- It will be painful._

 _\- I want the pain._

 _\- Put your hands on the wall and arch your back. Show me you want it. »_

 _Severus's fingers left the still tight anus of Harry. Harry positioned his forearms on the wall resting his forehead on them. He spread his legs and arch his back, revealing his anus to the dilated eyes of Severus._

 _« -Fuck me._

 _\- I will fuck you Harry. Hard and fast. I will keep my clothes on and dominate you fully. You belong to me, and not to the wizarding world. Say it. If you want to feel my dick take you, fuck you and make your life less flawed. »_

 _Harry pants and wonder how Severus knew exactly what to say so that Harry was Harry._

 _«I belong to Severus … » The head of Severus' penis entered and cut Harry's sentence._

 _« - Go on._

 _\- I do not belong to the wizarding world. » The penis slipped a bit deeper and Harry hissed at the slight burn and the pleasure._

 _« -You want me to dominate you?_

 _\- I want you to dominate me. » A little deeper, Harry tried to impale himself on this dick that promised oblivion. But Severus' hands gripped his hips and stopped him. He could feel the fabric of Severus' trousers, teasing him, promising so much more._

 _« Tell me what you want. » Growled Severus._

 _Harry swallowed and searched for words, Severus moved out a fraction._

 _« I want you to fuck me like an animal. Aaah»_

 _With a supple and strong thrust , Severus was all the way in. Bringing pain, the pain asked for and wanted, but also pleasure and the sensation to be in control. Because Harry want to be fucked like an animal. He wants to feel the robes of his professor cover him. He wants to be thrust into hard and fast, to be bitten on the shoulder. The Boy-who-Lived disappears and leave Harry behind, and Harry is happy. He can stop everything if he wants._

 _[I wanna fuck you like an animal  
I wanna feel you from the inside  
I wanna fuck you like an animal  
My whole existence is flawed]  
_

 _Severus feels the tension leave Harry to be replaced by the search for pleasure, but the young man needs just a little more._

 _« Harry put one of you hands on you sex, touch it only, don't hold it. »_

 _Harry doesn't understand but do as told. He understands rapidly when Severus pushes him against the wall, and at each push deep inside of him his dick rubs against his hand. The combined stimulation proves to be too much and Harry arch under the strength of his orgasms, his head on Severus' shoulder, his mouth open in a silent yell. A groan from Severus and the heat that spread inside of him informs him that he took Severus with him._

 _Severus stayed a few seconds inside of Harry's heat before slipping out. He helped the young man to put his clothes back on before escorting him to the corridor by the infirmary. Not a word was exchanged. They didn't need any._

 _*end of flashback*_

[…]

Harry smiles and adjusts himself. He slows down and fall a little behind his friends in order to reminisce a little more. It's been a long time since he last revisited these memories. And there are so few of them. Only two more encounter.

[…]

* _flashback_ *

 _After almost killed Draco in Mimi's toilets. It was also the night when he realized that Severus needed this as much as him. If Harry needed to be dominated in order to feel alive and like himself, Severus needed to be a Dominant in order to recover a sliver of a control in a life under the yoke of two Lord._

 _After learning about Horcrux. Knowing there was seven pieces of Voldemort. If not for Severus, he would have flung himself from the top of the astronomy tower, to refuse his fate and escape the awful premonition he had. That night, Severus had fucked him and then made love to him. Because « sex is not everything Hatty, in the future you'll have know how to make love». And Harry had like making love, more than fucking._

 _And there had been the night of Dumbledore's death. And Severus had warned him that he would have to do something terrible, take Draco's place for it. But Harry was devastated. Not by Dumbledore's death, not really, more because he felt he wouldn't see Severus again. And well they exchanged insults and spells in the yard, what Harry wanted more than anything was for Severus to fuck him, love him, right here and now to reassure him that Harry could survive this. Of course Sverus didn't, but while he taunted Harry, he discreetly threw him the leather necklace. Te necklace he had removed at the end of the summer holidays, too many chances that a stray spelled removed the enchantment that kept it invisible. And Harry felt hope._

 _Then the day of the Battle of Hogwart came, and Harry lost hope. He didn't lost hope when he saw Severus' memories. He lost hope when kneeling in the Shriecking Shack he watched Severus die in his arms. Severus, who with a shaking hand, soiled by his own blood, caressed Harry's cheek, touched the necklace, and with a last smile took Harry's hope with him._

 _Of course Harry survived, and he decided to live to honor Severus' memory. Of course he went on jaunts in the muggle world; sometimes the wizarding world was still asking for too much. Then he would wear the leather collar and go find a Dominant that could give him almost the same thing as Severus. With time he realized that Ginny could give the love he needed, the love that Severus had shown him. The pressure from the wizarding world felt lesser and married Ginny. Now Harry has all the love he needs. And even more thanks to his children._

* _end flashback_ *

[…]

Outside of the train station Harry lift his eyes to the sky, and murmur for himself and the wind « Thanks Severus, I love you ».

[…]

 _[You get me closer to God  
Through every forest, above the trees  
Within my stomach, scraped off my knees  
I drink the honey inside your hive  
You are the reason I stay alive]_


End file.
